Travel Hacks

It’s OK to say no when somebody asks you to switch seats with them on a plane. There are certainly times when it’s nice to say yes, such as when a person is traveling with a child or somebody who may need their assistance.

But the couple who hold boarding passes that aren’t next to one another isn’t one of those times.

I ran into this situation recently when I’d booked a vacation flight and I was able to secure a first-class aisle seat with some travel certificates.

When I boarded the plane, the guy who was ticketed for the window seat next to me asked me to swap seats with his wife, who was also in a window seat.

I politely declined and explained that I’d chosen this particular seat on the aisle months earlier, as it was my preferred seat.

So this guy flies into a rage calling me every profane word I’ve ever heard from inches away – so close that I could smell his nasty booze breath for this 8:24 am flight.

He then sat down and called his wife, who was a few rows away to loudly tell her what a monster (and way more profanity) I was for preferring to keep my ticketed seat on the aisle. I like the aisle and always want the aisle and will take a different flight if I can’t get on an aisle.

After his verbal assault wasn’t persuasive he asked me to move for $100. I politely declined again and he ordered a second vodka soda.

He beckoned his wife to come back to him and repeated all of his trash talk about me. This poor woman didn’t seem phased or surprised by his psychotic bully games.

As they closed the door and we pulled out from the gate Mr. Rage Freak told me he was going to make this a very long flight for me.

Shortly after, he passed out and snored. About midway through the flight, I’d nodded off and woke to this assclown screaming for me to get out of the way. He was seriously acting like he had the runs. I unbuckled and got up as he blitzed out of the aisle. And then he simply walked slowly to the restroom.

I was hoping he, at least, had pissed himself.

After he was finished he stopped by his wife as he mean mugged me. I just smiled and continued to enjoy listening to my Kenny Chesney mix.

He passed out again minutes after sitting down again. He was a pretty loud snorer.

After I departed the plane I didn’t see him. Off to vacation.

But that wasn’t the end of it. I get on my return flight and see this same horse’s ass get brought up from coach to an upgrade in first class. He was by himself.

I was truly confused about how he wasn’t upset this time to move from a seat beside his wife in coach to a solo first-class seat.

I’m so glad I said no to this creep.